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Monday, May 9, 2011

Love of a Mother

As this year's Mother's Day came and went so quickly, my brain can't help but think of the LOVE of a MOTHER.  And as usual, I put my ramblings here.  On my blog.  My online journey.  Random Ramblings, my thoughts. Not usually many facts, just randomness.
I think of the overwhelming love that I have for my children (my Wyndham and my Paisley-still growing in my belly, kicking my bladder thank you very much).  And I think of my mother and the love that I have for her and the Love that she has for her 4 girls.  You love your mother, you always do and you can't remember a time where you didn't, you just do from birth (oh believe me I went through my teenage rebellion years but I always loved her).  Your baby knows your smell and your voice and he or she knows this before he or she is even out of your womb- how crazy is that?!  The moment I held Wyndham for the first time, I could calm her within minutes, she knew my voice and my smell.  Even at just a few days old she could tell when I would hold her vrs when someone else would.  Before I had Wyndham people would try to explain the love of a mother to me, and I thought I understood it, seeing as I have a mother and I had a baby in my belly and loved her already, and I loved my neices and nephew so much.  But the moment you lay eyes on that baby and you hold her (or him) it is an instantaneous, unexplainable, crazy, crazy love.  A love that I truly canNOT describe. You instantly know that you would give that being your last breathe, your every dollar and would fight like a lioness would for her (or "a momma bear" -as Ryan calls it- and it has come out in me a couple times, ok maybe more than a couple.  I am protective whatev, Ryan finds it oh so humorous, but no big deal, i don't care!).  And this love that you have for this child is shared between you and your husband. I loved Ryan so so much before we had Wyndham, I couldn't imagine loving him anymore, but having this child brings you to a whole other level that you didn't know existed in your relationship, and you love the father/mother of your child even more.
Ryan said after I delivered Wyndham that I was so strong, I was his hero.  To me it was no heroic act, it's what Mommas do, they carry their growing baby around for 9 months then squeeze a baby out of WHAT?! then keep going- do big deal (and for those of you who have not had children, don't listen to all the horror stories people want to tell you, it will probably be the most painful thing you do -that is true- but even so it's totally do-able, not that bad and totally worth it! you get a sweet sweet prize at the end.  It all goes back to normal and if it was so bad I would not be doing this again in less then a 20 month span?!?!  I think not, I'm a wimp).  And sweet Ryan/Daddy is our prince in shining armor everyday.  The way Wyndham lights up when he walks in the door in indescribable, so priceless.  As a mother, you love your husband more for the way he loves your child.
I'm reminded of mother's past.  Ryan's grandmothers (Wonda Lee and Maryanne), and the love that they had for their kids and their children/grandchildren's adoration of them years and years after their passing.  My Mother's mother, Erma, she was a beautiful and gentle woman.  A funny woman with a language all her-which I still tend to use to this day.   I love the way Ryan still thinks about often and misses his Nan.  Although he was only around 5 or so when she passed, she left a large and lasting impression on him.  And Wonda Lee-- I love that I wear her diamond everyday, not just b/c it is a beautiful and a perfect emerald cut diamond, but because it was hers.  I wish I could have met her, but in a strange way I feel like I have.  People who knew Wonda say that there is no mistaking Debbie (my mother in law) as her daughter, and the stories I hear of her make me think I knew her.
For some reason when you become a mother you instantly grow this huge sense of empathy and sympathy.  When another mother is hurting for her child you can relate.  To see your child hurting, in any way -emotionally, phsyically anything is beyond horrible- you would take that pain on in a moment and times a thousand to not have your child hurting.  When Wyndham has been sick it breaks my heart, I'd rather be sick a ten times worse than have her hurting.  When a friend, sister, co-worker is crying for their child you cry too, not much of an option there for me.  No one cries alone in my presence....And when you become a mother you have a new appreciation for your mother and the mother of your spouse, you just get a glimpse of what its like in someone else's shoes for a minute.
And speaking of Momma Bears, I can recall quite a few instances where my own mom turned into a quite a Lioness!  Guess I learned from the pro!  She has even done so for her Grandkids when needed now. Bless her heart, she will not allow anything to her little chitlins. 
For those of you who know my mother, she is a hysterical woman.  So spunky and sassy and is not afraid to laugh at herself or be herself. I remember growing up saying soooo  many times "mom you can't say that to people" and she would respond with "well I just did".  She loves deeply and has a great sense of humor and is one of those people that really doesn't care much about what people thing.  She doesn't always make a great first impression becasue first thing she does to EVERYONE is give them a good look from head to toe, then and only then will she say hello- pretty hysterical to watch, especially when you know its coming.  I warned Ryan of this before their first encounter and without fail, she did it.  But once people get to know her they see the woman there underneath that is giving, sensitive, nurturing, protective and OOOHH so hysterical!  There are a lot of things that all of us are not, and I try to love her for all the things that she is, because there are so many great "is's" there -- a phrase rendered by my mother in law- the Debster- that I have clung to :) :)  "Love people for what they are, not what they are not"

And I think of other figures in my life that "mothered' me in some way or another. I'm a firm believer that God puts people in your life for specific reasons. That he puts different women in your life from time to time to "mother" you in a way that he sees fit for that season of your life.  I am thankful to those woman that have helped to shape me into who/what I am today, along with my own mother. 
Thinking of this immense and wonderful love makes me eager to meet the new one on the way as I know my heart will grow and I will love her like I love my sweet Wyndham.  I already love Paisley so much in my womb and I can't wait for Wyndham and "Daddy" to know her how I do right now. To feel life inside of me, to feel her kicking and moving is the most amazing miracle and such a blessing. I love so much that I was blessed enough to carry children, to be a mother and to have a mother in my life, as there are some in my life whose mother was sadly taken far too early.

And now some motherly pictures that I have available (:

 Hope everyone had a wonderful Mother's Day!!!

1 comment:

  1. you are so amazing...loved reading your very well detailed thoughts about being a mommy. i always knew you would be a natural, but of course, you surpass even that. can't wait to meet paisley! thanks for sharing...there is just no one else quite like you :)


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